Ngiyakuthembisa ukuthi bengingazi ukuthi ngingaqala kanjani ukufuna izithombe zalokhu okuthunyelwe (kwezemfundo) okuhambisana nobulili bezingane. Izingane ziqabulana? Izingane ezinqunu? Ah cha, hhayi nqunu! Unqunu cha, ngoba njengoba sibonile lapha ubuhle bomzimba abuvunyelwe emphakathini wethuYize sikubekezelela ukucwasana kwabantu ngokobulili obufanayo futhi singabanukubezi abantu abaneminyaka engu-9 noma eyi-10 ababuka izithombe zocansi.
Futhi yebo: iminyaka engu-9 noma eyi-10 ubudala, nangaphezulu kunjalo, kepha umthelela ekwakhiweni kwezocansi awufani eminyakeni ethile noma kwenye. Abazali bethukile lapho bebona indodana yabo ithinta isitho sayo sangasese bese beveza ukubabaza kwenjabulo lapho bevula ithelevishini bese bebona 'abesifazane besifazane' behamba ngezingubo ezincane kakhulu; bazoba bancane (ngiyethemba), kepha lokho kungenye yokuzenzisa okukhona namuhla. Ngakho-ke bheka, kubi noma kungcono le ndatshana ihambisana nezinye izithombe, nenhloso: yenza kubonakale ukuthi ubulili bezingane bukhona (Ngichaza ngenye indlela isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uLaura Perales), futhi ngikumema futhi ukuthi uhambisane nokukhula kwabancane, ukukhuthaza ngangokunokwenzeka ukuthi ulwazi lwabo lwamanje nolwesikhathi esizayo lube nempilo.
UWinnicott wayengudokotela wezingane nodokotela wengqondo, owayeqonda ubudlelwane bukamama nengane njengeyunithi engaxazululeki, unemisebenzi ethile eshicilelwe; futhi kukhona umusho wakhe engiwuthanda kakhulu: "Isisekelo sobulili obusha nentsha sisungulwa ebuntwaneni".
Uma njengabomama noma obaba, besifuna baphile ubulili obuphilile (bekungeke kube ngenye indlela, ngiyacabanga), yini esingayenza? Umndeni uyiqembu lomphakathi elibaluleke kakhulu ekudluliseni izindima namagugu, futhi sinamandla okuthonya nokuphikisana (ngokuya ngeminyaka, yebo) inani elikhulu lezisusa ezithandanayo ukuthi amantombazane nabafana bathola kusukela besebancane, nokuthi bangenza okuhle kakhulu kunokulimaza.
Isibonelo, yize kufanele okuthunyelwe okuhlukile: ukukhangisa ngokobulili kungaba nodlame kakhulu futhi kungathinti nje kuphela ukwamukelwa kwamantombazane ngokuqondene nemizimba yawo, kodwa embonweni wokuthi izingane zikhula ngabesifazane. Umndeni akuyona yonke into, kepha uma sikhona kakhulu, singasiza.
Ubulili: kuyadingeka ekukhuleni kwengane
Njengoba uLaura Perales esho kusixhumanisi esingenhla, ithonya lamasiko nokuziphatha (kanye namagugu) esiwaphethe, lisikhombisa ucansi njengento engcolile engakhulunywa ngayo.
Ngakho-ke, asiyiphenduli imibuzo yezingane, sidala ubandlululo, sakha ama-taboos, futhi sizibophezela ekuxwayiseni izingane, lapho seziyintsha, ukuthi zisebenzise amakhondomu. Njengokungathi ubulili bebungeyona injabulo, ukuthanda, imizwa, izifiso, ukungabaza, ... Ah, ngikhohliwe! Njengokungathi lokho bekunganele, sifihla imizimba yethu enqunu ezinganeni zethu, futhi esikhundleni sokuthi igama lesitho sangasese libe yipipi noma isitho sangasese sowesifazane, sikhiqiza amagama angenangqondo angeza ukudideka kuphela..
Okuhlangenwe nakho kocansi okunempilo.
Akekho umuntu ongasiqinisekisa ukuthi ngokuzayo bazoyithokozela kakhulu imizwa yabo yezocansi, ukuthi bathathe izinqumo, ukuthi abavumeli ukuhlukunyezwa, ukuthi bayakwazi ukwenqaba, noma baxoxisane ngokusetshenziswa kwamakhondomu.
Kepha ngemfundo yomndeni, sizokwenza konke esingakwenza, ukuqala kufanele siqonde ukufuna ubumnandi futhi ngokwemvelo samukele ukuthi amantombazane nabafana bahlola futhi bathinte izitho zabo zangasese, nabafowabo.
Futhi ukuqhubeka, sizophendula yonke imibuzo yakho ngayo yonke imvelo emhlabeni, noma konke esikwaziyo ukuba nakho. Futhi sizokhuluma iqiniso: Ngincamela ukuthi utshele indodana yakho ukuthi uyaphuthuma, noma ukuthi uncamela ukukhuluma ngolunye usuku, ngaphambi kokuthi uyinike impendulo engelona iqiniso.
Ngikhuluma ngezingane ezisencane ngaso sonke isikhathi, ngoba ngemuva kuka-9 mhlampe ngeke zibuze, futhi kuzodingeka ukuthi wenzele ezinye izindlela 'zokufinyelela' enganeni futhi uthole ukuthi yini ezikhathazayo.
Isigaba sangasese sezinsana.
UJoan Vilchez, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo eSpain School of Reichian Therapy, ukhuluma ngama-autoerotic ezithweni zangasese Njengendlela yomthethonqubo oyisisekelo, futhi iveza ukuthi ukuvusa inkanuko yobulili noma ukushayela kanye nesifiso kufakwe ebulilini, nokuthi lokhu akwenzeki kuphela ngemuva kobusha. Kubukeka sengathi impendulo yabazali yinto enqumayo yokuthuthuka kokuzethemba. Lesi sigaba sivela phakathi kweminyaka emi-3 nengu-7 ubudala futhi kunconywa ukwanelisa ilukuluku futhi ungabeki imikhawulo emidlalweni emnandi yombukiso.
Ngicacile ukuthi okuhlangenwe nakho kwethu kwangaphambili kusibeka esimweni esiningi (ngokwesibonelo, akekho owangilungiselela okokuya esikhathini), kepha futhi nokuthi singazama. Futhi khumbula lokho ngokwemvelo njalo kusengaphambili. Masingakhohlwa ukuthi inkululeko yokubuza nokwazisa ngomzimba (ngaphandle kwamatheko) kanye nemingcele (uqobo nguyena othola injabulo futhi agunyaze abanye ukuthi bathinte noma cha) angasebenza njengokuvimbela ukuhlukunyezwa kwezingane ngokocansi.
Isithombe - UJohn Singer Sargent