Ukuqondaniswa kwabazali kungaba nemiphumela ehlala njalo kuzo zombili izingane nabazali. Kepha kuyini ngempela? Isehlukaniso asilula kubazali abasinqumile, noma ezinganeni ezibeka isimo esisha kubo okufanele baphile ngokwesaba nokungaqiniseki. Ushintsho empilweni yabo ababengacabangi ukuthi luzokwenzeka kubo nokuthi cishe ngaphandle kokufuna, konke kuqala ukushintsha okuzungezile.
Ngaphandle kosizi olungaba khona, abazali kumele benze konke okusemandleni ukuze izingane zabo ziphile lolu shintsho ngendlela engcono kakhulu. Kunemizwa eminingi okufanele ibhekane nayo futhi abazali bangakhuthaza noma ngokungazi bakhuthaze izingane zabo ukuthi zenqabe omunye umzali, zidale ukulimala okukhulu ezinganeni. Lokhu kwaziwa njengokuqondaniswa kwabazali noma ukuqondanisa kwabazali (i-SAP).
Yini i-syndrome yokuqondanisa komzali noma i-SAP
Ingane eqondisiwe ngokuzumayo iba nobutha nomzali oqala ukwala futhi angaqala ukukhombisa ukwesaba noma inzondo ngalelo nani. Noma ngabe babenobudlelwano obuhle phambilini, ingane ingasho ukuthi ayikhumbuli noma ikuphi okuhle okwenzeka kuyise noma kunina, noma ngabe lokhu kungelona iqiniso. Uzoqala ukumelana nokukhuluma naye noma ngisho nokufuna ukumbona. Kuzozizwa kahle uma ukhuluma kabi ngoyihlo noma unyoko (kuya ngokuthi uqala bani ukuba nemizwa ecasukile).
Ezinye izingane zingamelana nengcindezi yokukhetha umzali oyedwa kunomunye umzali. Kepha lapho bengakwazi, bayazihlukanisa. Lokhu kusho ukuthi benqaba umzali oqondisiwe ngaphandle kwesizathu. Ubudlelwano bakhe nomzali ohlosiwe bususelwa ekukhohlisweni ngokomzwelo komzali othandwayo kunokuhlangenwe nakho kwangempela nomzali ohlosiwe.
Ivelaphi le mbono
Umbono wabazali wokuhlukaniswa kwesifo wethulwa ngudokotela wezifo zengqondo uRichard Gardner ngawo-1980, kepha kusekhona ukungafani phakathi kochwepheshe namuhla. I-American Psychiatric Association ayiyiboni, futhi ayikho ohlwini lwe-APA Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. Yize kufanele ugxile emaqhingeni abazali nokuziphatha kwabo. Ngoba bangahle babe nesifo sokuhlukaniswa kwabazali benganakile.
Izinhlobo zesifo sokuhlukaniswa kwabazali
Kunezinhlobo ezintathu zabafokazi. Uhlobo ngalunye lubonisa izindlela ezahlukahlukene zokuziphatha futhi lunokusabela okuhlukile ezimweni ezivamile.
Abafokazi Abangenalwazi
Laba bazali abahambisana bafuna ukuthi ingane ibe nobudlelwano obuhle nomunye umzali, kepha ngezikhathi ezithile bazokhuluma noma benze okuthile okulimazayo okutholwa yizingane njengamazwana anobutha. Noma kunjalo, abazali bazama ukuxhumana kahle futhi bafuna izingane zabo ziphile ngazo zonke izindlela. Izingane zizobhekana kahle nesehlukaniso ngokujwayelekile futhi azihlukani nabazali bazo.
Izihambi ezisebenzayo
Abahambi abasebenzayo bafuna nokuthi izingane zabo zibe nobudlelwano obuhle nomunye umzali, kepha bakuthola kunzima ukususa ubuhlungu nokukhungatheka. Lokhu kuthinta indlela abaziphatha ngayo nezingane ziyakubona. Bathukuthelela omunye umzali phambi kwezingane futhi kungenzeka baphume neshende labo. Lokhu kungadala ubuhlungu nokudideka ezinganeni ngokuthi kufanele zizizwe kanjani noma zenze kanjani ngomunye umzali.
Izihambi ezingalawuleki
Izihambi eziqaphelayo zizama ngendlela ecishe ihlukumeze ukunqoba ingane futhi ziyenze ibe sohlangothini lwayo ngokuzama ukuyenza izonde omunye umzali. Bafuna ukuqeda noma yibuphi ubudlelwane ingane enabo nomunye umzali. Uma bethukuthele, benenzondo noma besaba umuntu wabo wakudala, bazomtshela obala umntwana bese bemtshela ukuthi naye kufanele azizwe ngendlela efanayo. Ingane iqala ukuphinda okufanayo futhi imizwa yayo engemihle ngomzali onqatshiwe ingaba ngokweqile.
Izigaba kumasu wokuhlukanisa abazali
Ucwaningo lukhombe izigaba ezinhlanu zamasu okuhlukanisa okudala ukungqubuzana nebanga phakathi kwengane nomzali okuqondiswe kuye:
- Ukumelela umzali othile njengongenalo uthando futhi engavikelekile.
- Nciphisa ukuxhumana nokuxhumana phakathi kwengane nomzali ohlosiwe
- Sula bese ushintsha umzali ohlosiwe wenhliziyo yengane
- Khuthaza ingane ukuthi ikhaphele umzali ohlosiwe
- Ukwehlisa igunya lomzali ohlosiwe ngokubuza isithunzi sabo
Abazali kufanele bakugweme lokhu kuziphatha ngoba izingane zinzima. Enganeni, abazali bayohlala bengabazali babo futhi izinkinga zabo ezingokomzwelo akufanele kube yinkinga yengane. Izingane zidinga abazali bazo, zidinga uthando nothando lwazo, akuzona izigelekeqe zanoma iyiphi impi engazikhathazi.
Abazali abaningi bathi abakaze baphathane kabi, kodwa ukukhuluma kabi kuyindlela yokuziphatha okulimazayo. Abanye bathi bafuna ingane ibe nobudlelwano obuhle nomunye umzali nokuthi abayilimazi ngamabomu, kepha inhloso ayisebenzi ngempela: izindlela zokuziphatha abazali abazithathayo nesimo sabo sengqondo abasidlulisayo yikho okubalulekile, hhayi izinhloso zabo.
Izimpawu zokuhlukaniswa kwabazali
Lapho izingane zihlushwa ukuhlukaniswa ngabazali zingaqala ukukhombisa isimilo esithile esibalulekile. Noma imuphi umzali okhathazekile ngezingane zakhe kufanele azi ngalezi zimpawu bese ethuthukisa indlela aziphatha ngayo ukuze izingane zingalimali.
- Imibono engemihle ngomunye umzali
- Izizathu zobuwula zobuhlungu nentukuthelo ebhekiswe kumzali ohlosiwe
- Bheka omunye umzali njengolungile kanti omunye njengomubi
- Ukuhlangana nomzali othandekayo ngaphandle kokufuna ukuba nomzali ohlosiwe
- Ukwenqaba umzali ohlosiwe
- Ukuphindaphinda imishwana ezwiwe kumzali othandelwe ngaphandle kokuqonda ukuthi kusho ukuthini
- Ukuba nokuziphatha okubi kubangani nomndeni womzali onqatshiwe
Lezi ngezinye zezimpawu ezithi, njengomzali, kufanele usethe ama-alamu. Uma lokhu kwenzeka, kuzobaluleka ukuthi njengobaba noma umama futhi ngaphandle kobudlelwano bakho nowawushade naye, uzama ukugcina izingane zakho zingangeni kuleyo mpi. Yingakho abazali kufanele baqinisekise inhlalakahle engokomzwelo yezingane zabo.